Here’s a quick warning before you continue reading- this post is very blunt, real, and probably a few words you hope your kid doesn’t repeat. If you are one of the title people I mention, you may want to pay close attention because I am so incredibly tired of people judging other people and judging myself, especially when London is with me.
Now then, recently I was shopping for a new bathing suit. Like most of us, I do not look like I did when I was 22. I’ve gained weight, I’ve lost weight, oh hey I had a child. I’m a normal person. I have extra saggy skin from carrying my baby past her due date, and believe it or not I have a few stretchmarks. It has taken me months to start getting over the fact that I do not have my 22 year old body. And to be honest I don’t want that body back. I was unhealthy, I drank all the time, I had no life goals. I was a damn mess.
Now tell me why, it’s the “polite” thing to say to a woman right after she had a baby that she looks so good for just having a baby. But if her baby is now 2, she’s looked at as lazy or doesn’t care about her appearance if she doesn’t look like she did before she was pregnant. Those of you who judge a mother on something like that, shame on you.
Back to my bathing suit shopping. I have a girls weekend in Vegas coming up in June and realized my bikini from before London doesn’t fit, and the tankini I have from after London isn’t exactly what I want to wear. I don’t feel like I should have to wear a bathing suit I only bought because I was body shamed at London’s swim class. Oh yes, you read that right. I was made to feel uncomfortable at my daughter’s swim class because not only am I judged daily by my amount of tattoos, and then purple hair, but I was “that mom” who wore a two piece swim suit and God forbid you can see my stretch marks and belly pouch.
So as I was browsing the swim suits, with London in the cart, I had a lovely women come up to me like it was nothing, and tell me how I shouldn’t be looking for a bikini with the shape my body is in. Umm excuse me? Now, normally this is where I would put my reaction full of those nasty words, but in all honesty, I feel bad for that women. If you need to put other people down, strangers for that matter, you need to stop and look at yourself and figure out what went wrong. In the words of London, ” You need Jesus.”
Did I buy a bathing suit? Nope. Was it because of that sad woman who had nothing better to do? Absolutely not. But I’ll tell you right now, she had no effect on me looking for a swim suit to cover myself a little more? In fact, she inspired me to wear what I want and be proud of my body.
Was I taken back and hurt by her hurtful words? Absolutely. But as a mother, it’s my job to teach London, it’s easy to be the smaller person, but it’s more rewarding to be the bigger person.
So mamas and non mamas, be you. Do you. Do whatever the hell is making you happy. Do not let unhappy people bring you down to their sad life. And those who are guilty of mom shaming or body shaming, or both. Take a minute and think before you talk. Especially if you find it necessary to give your opinion where it’s not asked, to a mom who is just browsing..with their child in the cart.
So on that note, can you figure out which bathing suit I’m going with?